Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Love at first sight

It is obvious that love at first sight happens only with people that one finds desirable.  That may seem too trivial to even express.  However, consider that the second part of the sentence contains the word "desirable" which is indicative of attraction, whereas the first part contains the word "love", which is likely to be considered a sacred feeling by those feeling it.

What I want to talk about is not the validity of "love at first sight", but its ramifications in the sexual marketplace.

Anyone who falls in love at first sight can will find, to their consternation, that they will be considered not very love-worthy.  It is rarely, if ever, that love at first sight succeeds in leading to a long-term relationship.

People fall in love with what they consider attractive or desirable.  Attraction leads to a relationship only if one doesn't feel like one is selling oneself short.

Consider a hypothetical male and female: Jake and Kate.  Jake has fallen in love with Kate at first sight.  And consider that there is Adam also in the mix, who is presumably not yet in love with Kate but equally attractive at first glance, compared to Jake.

Jake expresses his love to Kate impulsively.  Adam stays aloof.

Here is how the hind-brain of Kate will churn:  "Someone who falls in love with me is a "fish" already in the "net".  I have that anyway.  Now the question is that whether that man is good enough for me so that I don't have to regret it later.  Jake is saying that he fell in love with me at first sight.  That is cute and flattering but really bad for his long-term prospects.  I didn't even have to woo him or even be seductive towards him and he is already in the net.  Looks like I can do much better than him.  After all, I got Jake without any effort.  If I put in some effort, may be I can get someone better than him.  Adam hasn't fallen in love with me yet.  Does it mean that he thinks I am not very attractive for him?  That means he is looking for a more attractive girl than me.  That means if I get him, it will be a good deal for me.  That means, that I should ignore Jake and go after Adam."

It is a conundrum, but an entirely logical one: Kate likes the fact that Jake loves him, but Kate dislikes the ease with which Jake loves her.  An easy love is an easily ignored love.

To admit that one loves someone at "first sight" is flattering to them, but insulting to oneself.  Even if one doesn't realize it oneself, the other will.

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